omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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