She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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