I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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