Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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