You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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