Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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