His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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