does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
