apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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