took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
