it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
