Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
