I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
