I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize