I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
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