we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
