hotel room ftw
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
