she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
