either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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