I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
