Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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