...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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