I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
