like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
