Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
