Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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