i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
the liver wants what the liver wants
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
