worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
