I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
