Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
