You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
