Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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