Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
