she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
do nipples grow back?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize