the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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