does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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