Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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