That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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