I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
another moral hangover. fuck.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
