Someone shit on the floor
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
