Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
