sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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