Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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