my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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