Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
