I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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