If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
