your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize