My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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