He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
