meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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