You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
