Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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