apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
