standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
