watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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