Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
