Just fell off a train. Bad.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
