if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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