Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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