we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
