My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
