you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
