then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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