Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
