he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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