can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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