dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I didn't notice because vodka
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
