ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
