So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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