you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize