Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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