You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
