thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
